Doubts

Goals can sometimes scare me. However, when I’m taking a few steps, I feel like my life is going somewhere. I have substance, the earth applauds.

Now, few days on it, the thrill is gone – I abandon it.

Why it is so easy to be determined at a gripping moment and a limp the next?

I sit for some time and think about this restlessness: I think about my big hopes which hover on towering dreams and fulfillment. Then it all zooms back to reality – I’m nowhere that far. Inches against light years.

My lizard brain knew it was right: “I told you, it ain’t gonna work.”

I thought I’ve built formidable patterns, a better nemesis against the lizard brain. But time and again it wins. I wonder how to rebuild a better strategy.

To nurse my ambiguous self-esteem, it helps to look for an “A-HA” advice from awesome people in the Internet. But it doesn’t help much when the lizard has better things to do.

So where do I outsource a constant inspiration and courage to sail with my fears?

I came up with an answer: beginning. When I begin to type these words, doubts slowly retreat. Even as the great uncertainty pulls me back, I literally feel knocking out one foe after another. Bodies pile up until I have conquered my own barriers.

We are our own nemesis: It takes identifying what bugs us, recognizing it, and confronting it head-on is the only way to subdue it.

So I begin. I write what makes me lethargic, yearning, confused. I write them all down, if not to resolve them but to appease myself.

Pausing is also magic. I ask myself what matters now. If it isn’t a race in the first place, then continuing in small steps must be the answer.

Peak energy is a do or die. I know that mornings is when I’m most alive. Dedication to that fountain of energy is our choice. Knowing one’s self and building a habit strategically is the key to consistency.

I must take breaks, too… in the form of motion. We change our physiology and we change our lives.

Last, building something concrete requires a deadline – this is my greatest loophole. Maybe shaving my head bald is a perfect consequence. Unless I make that project come to life, then bald I will be in no time.

To upend one’s doubts is to start.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s