Existential

We’ve rehashed it so many times in our heads. What on Earth are we here for?

Having existential thoughts can be really silly and annoying. We’d rather think of the mundane and go on with our undramatic lives. 

I was alone and I looked out of the window as it bathed in the morning radiance. It felt palpably light for no reason. Cheesy but cellular deep down.

Because it’s easy to forget why we’re even here, I thought it was good, if not critical, to pause, converse with our thoughts, and dig some meaning. 

What’s notable in today’s age is how easy it is to get lost scrolling, waste time and be swallowed whole in discontent. Somehow, unknowingly, we wound up lost in the bandwagon. And suddenly it’s the norm to catch up.

There’s also a lot brewing in the background – in our glowing phones reside fake news, conspiracies, chauvinists, climate change and just the fad for excess faces.

It can be a mindless battle.

And maybe, when we leave the scene of madness, when we take a moment to see what’s really happening in our bodies, our thoughts, our actions, then maybe it’s going to make a little sense.

At the end of the day, I know well how I’m going to spend it: walk, cook, eat, watch, read and rest. It’s the same everyday with specks of difference. As an introvert, I like it. 

What probably makes a particular day count is when I care to be mindful. It’s when I take seconds to pause and sit with my emotions and have a conversation with it.

It’s during those moments when I smiled, noticed something interesting, did something differently, opened up, initiated, calmed down, helped someone, and got out of my way. These were moments when I was most in touch with myself. Aware and attempting to connect.

The practice could get arduous so maybe I’m better off with my pacifiers. If I slip back, however, I knew it was going to be easy, comfortable, but painful.

I realized that, unless I leave the autopilot, I’d never really know what it feels to be truly alive. 

 

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