I was unstoppable in high school – a zealous hard worker. I’ve always valued time that by the moment I’m home, I automagically plant my butt and do my homework until I’m satisfied. I took pride in the consistency and discipline the daily work instills.
In 3rd year, though, I plummeted. I lost the will to understand Geometry. Obviously I easily gave up and admitted it wasn’t my thing. Still, I pressed on with academics and extra-curricular activities. I was happy to be excelling in most subjects except those that involved Math.
I carried this notion until college. My grades in Chemistry, Statistics, Physics and Analytical Geometry reflected that preconceived difficulty. Though I passed, I knew I’ve been feeding this deep-seated belief that these subjects require innate brilliance; it’s either I get it or I don’t. Now it makes sense to me why my mind numbs every time I’m questioned with numbers and figures. My evasion and ignorance have been tell-tale signs. Even the basics baffle me. It is stunning how much I’ve limited myself.
To get past this revelation, I know I have to tap the strength of my young courageous self. If I find Math devouring, maybe having fresh eyes will help. Also, if I work smarter then I can better understand and see the world in HD. Leo Baubata probably said it best: approach life with a beginner’s mind.
Too often, I realized, I was the one limiting myself. We battle against self-made limitations that to even try seems pointless. We convince ourselves they were the good old days, we are good as we are now.
But to remain complacent despite our gut’s telling us to break free from the cocoon is self-deprecating. We deter ourselves from possibilities we might otherwise learn from.
Wherever we turn, it will always be our responsibility to improve and have the ample room of forgiveness if we fail. To stretch our abilities is the only way to move forward. If we dare greatly, even in small strides, we can create a momentum that eventually shatters those preconceived beliefs. To allow ourselves to go deeper, mess the equation, do we only know how much we’re capable of.